One Glass Jar

Let me paint you a picture of words,
because honestly, drawing with crayons and painting was never my forte.

Imagine this: A blonde little girl, innocent, but really, really afraid. She doesn’t know what for, or why. She’s just always anxious inside.

She lives in a jar inside my throat – Quite frankly, one big mess. (That lump, never did seem to go away)

She doesn’t know how to handle change in life, she feels stupid, and she thinks she can’t.
She was known as Self-Doubt

She walks around her jar with her head low, because if she might look someone in the eye, perhaps they will die.

She is so insecure in that little glass jar -that little ash smudged jar. She feels the walls closing in. What if she makes the wrong move, and gets shattered between the glass?

This little girl in this glass jar is not allowed to leave, though sometimes she sneaks out in the dead of night, escaping through a little hole in the jar, and she goes about smashing and whispering these insecurities to my soul, and all I can do is freeze. It’s too hard.

Too much for my body to take. I’m going to break. Tears leak from my physical eyes, and all of a sudden, I’m filled with self-doubt.

At this point in the picture, my God given friend wakes from her jar in heart below.

In her jar, is a flower garden filled with the most pleasant fragrances any flower can give off. This girl, she wears a smile and takes a deep breath of all the beauty inside her jar.

She’s confident, she is full of pride. She stirs, and jumps up with a smile, and escapes from the little hole in her jar -She’s Self-Confidence.

She dances, she sings her song of joy as she makes her way throughout my being.
A little too cocky, she dances herself unknowingly towards the precipice that will lead to a pernicious end – Her overconfidence would be the death of my soul.

She twirls and slips over the cliff, catching the edge with her fingertips.

A surge of anxiety irrupts in my being.
There’s something wrong, and Self-Doubt can feel it.
Every moment causes my body to jolt in my bed.
There is no peace as I sleep.
Self-Doubt runs and hides, and swears she’ll never come out. Ever. She will do her job, and just stay inside her little ash filled jar.

Self-Confidence convinces herself she can do it. She can get herself out of this mess.

She tries again, and again to lift herself, but discovers, she wasn’t as strong as she once had thought and slips a little more.

“Help” she whispered, but no one could hear.
She was quickly losing her grip.
She cried out again, but this time, a bit louder; “Help me!”
Silence.

“Little one, hiding in your jar, I know you can hear me. I know you’re scared. I know you are, but little one, I need your help. I can’t do it alone, you can help me. You are stronger than you think. Please, little one”

Silence still dimmed the air as Self-Confidence hung her head and sighed.
“So this is the end” she whispered as her last ounce of strength was used, and her grip released.

In slow motion she fell, but only for half a second before a small clammy hand grasped hers, and quickly pulled her to safety.

“You did it” Self-Confidence beamed out of breath.

“You almost died!” Self-Doubt cried as she jumped backward.

“But I didn’t, because of you.”

Together each grew in places they were weak.
Everyday conquering what they could not before, using each other to balance and to keep their heads, coming together they became known as one, Humility.

In the wise words of William

          “And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.'”  – Luke 9:23

I don’t think we as Christians put enough light onto this  verse and it’s context. I mean, do we really realize what this verse entails? How much sacrifice this means on our part? -Or maybe we do realize, and are scared of what we will lose ourselves? Can’t we just be Christians with worldly ambitions?  There’s a crap ton more to that. What is our mission here on earth? To serve and glorify God. We do that exactly by what that verse is saying -Deny ourselves, and take up the cross daily, and follow Christ. Easier said than done, and what do we gain from this journey? And how do we even achieve this?  Well, I will let my good friend, William Reid answer that for you.

My dear friend, William, and I were recently conversing about our different writings and what we had been doing, and he sent me this incredible edifying poem! This poem has so much wisdom packed into it, and is so thought provoking! This poem was written by a beautiful heart who’s true desire is to seek the face of God. The Holy spirit continues to move in William in incredible ways, and it is with much pride and pleasure that I get to present to you this awesome peace of poetry. May you be blessed by the words God has given this dear friend.    

                          Title: Contaminated Chalice
                        Author: William Reid

Jumbled thoughts, please let me be;

I thought that I knew what I wanted to be.

I thought life was easy, it seemed plain to me,

But purpose is lacking, is it that hard to see?

 

Each day we all get up, little time to reflect;

We have ambitions and dreams that we must perfect.

Smooth lives of happiness we do our best to protect,

But it’s all just empty; don’t you see the disconnect?

 

“That’s not true,” you might find yourself say;

“I am quite happy, in fact, I got a new car today.

I have a girlfriend, nice shoes, and even high pay,

So what point do you have, I must ask, if I may”

 

You see the things of this world have a persistent task;

Whenever you feel thirst, they give you their flask.

They say it will quench your thirst, no questions to ask,

But in reality, it leaves you worse off—it’s all just a mask.

 

Underneath lies hurt, depression, and pain;

A longing for satisfaction, to obtain contentment that sustains.

This gnawing of disdain we try to contain,

By stimulating ourselves with pleasure at a rate we cannot maintain.

 

See happiness is like snow, it melts away;

For a while it may last, but in the end, it cannot stay.

It’s amusement call us; an enticing utopia it displays,

But it’s just a mirage and it’s fleeting, just like the days.

 

We shake our fists in frustration and we ask God why,

Why we feel so alone, and why we feel His joy is a lie.

If this life brings no comfort, then we swear God has died;

We give up on His love, and continue on life’s ride.

 

But what if we’re striving for all the wrong things?

We think we know what we need, and to our pride do we cling.

We say, “following God is hard, only rules does it bring”;

But Jesus already fulfilled those—the perfect offering.

 

See God doesn’t just want us to follow some rules;

He didn’t just make us to be human pack mules.

If we think that’s our purpose, we make ourselves fools,

Because He created us for more—for fulfillment that no man can ridicule

 

He offers true joy, and one that will last;

Not one that we think of as a thing of the past.

It’s something that’s constant, it doesn’t slip away fast;

His joy comes from hope, and hope’s supporting cast.

 

This hope stems from love, which God gives to us all;

His love He pours out freely, like a rushing waterfall.

In this God provides satisfaction, a purpose to all;

But you might never find it if you look at the mall.

 

 

 

 

“If His joy’s so great, why haven’t I found it,” you might wonder;

“I once prayed that prayer, yet my joy has gone asunder.

It’s like I’m drowning in longing and something is holding me under;

He must not really love me, maybe he thinks I’m a blunder.”

 

But you see, it’s not just about getting—we also must give;

Give Him all of our desires, longings, and whims.

We must say no to ourselves and yes to Him;

We must empty ourselves, and then He’ll fill us to the brim.

 

Our soul is like a cup, but with mud do we fill it;

It’s dirty and murky, completely covered with grit.

To replace it with clean water, we must decide to commit,

To emptying the grunge, and removing what is unfit.

 

In the same way, we continually must deny what life flaunts;

Say no to what we think we need, what we think that we want.

When we do this, we no longer have false joy that daunts,

We have true joy and purpose of which we can rightfully vaunt.

 

In the end, life may seem empty and full of vain pursuit;

People striving for something, some unattainable loot.

But true satisfaction comes from Jesus’ which is not moot,

Which he gives freely to those who deny themselves daily, who seek no substitute.

The Wordless Writer

 

I’ve been racking my brain for the last thirty minutes to come up with something to write about, but couldn’t think of anything, so naturally I wrote about not being able to write.

        The Wordless Writer 

 

“Oh stupid pen why don’t you flow?

Oh stupid paper why won’t you receive the ink? 

Brain, don’t you have anything to say, 

or are you just dumb today? 

Oh my Words, it rains tonight

is that not when you shine? 

Does the thunder evoke feelings no longer?

Why, you, is your being wordless?

Perhaps it is time to lay the many thoughts to bed

Perhaps you have to be silent,

for this moment and listen, child

Slow to speak

quick to listen

I think you must be

For now

Sleep, being

Let the words pour into your soul

not leap from lips”

As a writer, sometimes I get so caught up in my many thoughts and feelings that sometimes I forget to listen to people, and even sometimes my God. You, as a writer, or just a person in general, has a lot to say. Having words, thoughts, and ideas, is awesome, but never forget that you aren’t the only one with them. There are so many people out there who have so much life experience and stories to tell you of how our Awesome God is working, and how you can grow in Him more. So maybe it is time to put down the pen, turn an ear, and listen. God’s got something to tell you, and you can’t hear what it is until you turn and look His way. Go and listen to others, read God’s own writings, and be blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

Dear God, the world broke my heart, again. . .

It seemed I walked for miles around the carpeted living room floor. I walked for miles, and my foot prints are left in the soggy tear stained path through the room. I looked from the tv in the corner to the newspaper that sat on the coffee-table in front of me.

“Oh dear Lord, the world has broken my heart once again” I said as I ran my fingers through my pixie-cut hair. “Murders, rapes, robberies, poverty, fear, -It has corrupted the world we live, and it makes me sick. Why God?” I wonder “Why does it exist? Why is beauty so scarse, and brutality so common?”

 

 

It is sadly true in our world today. Our world has turned from a happy yellow to a blood curdling grey. I often wonder why it has to be this way, and the answer is so simple, but so sad; Iniquity is the reason. Iniquity is the lust for doing wrong. Wrong in the way that a vast majority of the world today wants to go it’s own way, oblivious and even sometimes cold hearted towards what affect and harm it would cause others. I know that maybe you see this, too, and you honestly don’t want it this way. So I ask you; what are you going to do about it? You might not be able to change the world completely and all at once, but that should not change your longing to make a positive difference. You have the power through Christ to make a change – No matter how small that change  may seem, it is by no means ever worthless work. How you want to go about being the change in your world, That is up to you and God, and I continually pray for the mission you go/are on!

I, for now am going to just make a list of things that I really think need to be a part of that mission, and just things to get you thinking outside the box. (This list is just as much for my benefit as it May be for you!)

1. Pray continually – Ask God to fill you will His peace, courage, strength, and joy. Ask God that He would use you and the gifts He has blessed you with, and ask Him to change you to be more like Him. These things are so important to have, and to pray over others! Praying about these things is really what gets me through the day. As well as praying these things for (Yourself) others, also ask individuals what they are in need of prayer for specifically (I personally know how much this means!)

 

2. Understand that you can’t always fix someone’s problems, and that you can never change anyone. Let this sink in, because it is a tough pill to swallow. You can give people emotional, spiritual, and physical confort, but you can’t fix there problems. Even so, know that God can. Even if you can fix a problem for someone, that is not always what a person need – Sometimes they need a hug, and ear to listen, or some good wholesome verbal encouragement.

3. Go out of your way for people, even if you get nothing from them in return. Going out of your way for someone blessed that person in so many ways! And being dependable is a way people start to trust you.

4. Take the time to smile and wave at strangers -it makes their day. You may have a few seconds to be around someone in your life -Make it count. Give someone something to remember about you. Something good they can take away.

5. Remind people of their traits that you genuinly like about them. Encouragment can keep a person going that much longer

6. Be the kind person you want wish others were -You can’t change people, but you have to ability to let God change you to be the person you want to see/be

7. The “Stranger danger” saying expired when you turned 13. Introduce yourself to strangers, and create friendships (Even if that friendship lasts only an hour. You can be influence and be influenced more than you know in an hour [Introducing youself to a gunman wearing a mask in a dark alleyway is not always recommended. Well, I guess just don’t introduce yourself to a person like that anywhere. . Disernment and safety are always  needed])

8. “Having a bad day” does not justify you treating others badly. Regardless of how you are feeling, never let the joy and niceness God has blessed you with leave.

9. If you make a mistake, get back up, and finish what you started. Encourage others to do the same. Don’t let your mistakes stop you, fix them, and keep going.

10. Listen to people and what the have to say – Regardless if you don’t believe what they believe. Share with them what you believe, but don’t shove it down their throats. Be okay with agreeing to dissagree.

11. Be vulnerable with people. Being vulnerable with people shows them that they themselves can be vulnerable with you.

12. Remember that God is always at work, and that He is always with us.

God has plans for you to be a “World changer”, seek Him always, and don’t be discouraged. God’s peace and Grace be with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What being a PCA has taught me

I am sure some of you know, but perhaps not all of you, I am a PCA (Personal Care Attendant) which means that I help people with mental/physical disabilities. Working as a PCA has honestly been one the biggest blessings, and I want share with you why, and what I have learned from it. Right now I am going to keep the focus on mental disabilities. What I am writing will only show you a small glimpse of what it really means to me, and what you should really understand what it means to work with people with mental disabilities.

People with mental disabilities are diverse human beings
You can’t shove all the different mental disabilities into a box and expect a person with a certain disability to act exactly like all the other people with their disability. They may have a certain type of disability, but they are all diverse and unique people. They have different talents, interests, and different personalities, and to understand who they really are, you have to invest a great deal of time and energy into them.

People with mental disabilities understand more than you think they do
When you are talking about them while they are in the room, they know that. When you say something about them that isn’t good, they take it personally (and with good reason). They know that when people stare at them, that people know that they are different. They understand that people think they are weird or unusual, and this hurts them more than most people realize.

People with mental disabilities are better judges of character than most people could ever be
within just a few minutes of you walking into the room, they can read you and decide whether or not they will be treated right by you or if you will treat the badly. They are more aware of how you act than what you say.

Touch, posture, and facial expressions mean everything to a person with mental disabilities
It’s because they can’t  always communicate very well verbally that these mean a lot to them. Posture, touch, and facial expressions are a huge part of how the communicate, and when you do the same it brings more of what you say to life. Using and reading body language is very important when interacting with them.

You don’t have to feel uncomfortable around mental disabilities
They can see it when you are uncomfortable around them, no matter how hard you try and hide it. Treat them like a normal person, but with a little more TLC. They are humans, and they want to have friends like you. Talk to them like a normal human being; Introduce yourself, compliment them, tell them about your day -It means the world to them.

People with mental disabilities can become some of your greatest friends
They understand what it means to have bad days, they want you to know that you mean the world to them, they want to laugh and be weird with you, they want you to talk with them, they want to do special things with you, and they want you to be joyful.

People with mental disabilities can teach you so much
They show you that even though being harshly judged by people is hard, you should still keep going, because you have so much potential. Not everyone is going to understand you, and not everyone has to. When you find a friend, never take them for granted. Be appreciative of what you have, even when it doesn’t feel like you have a lot. Laughter means everything. Don’t be afraid to be who you are in public, because you are pretty darn cool.

People with mental disabilities are very special people and deserve to be shown love, to be themselves, and to be respected. We need more people in the world who would love these people and teat them like they deserve. Please, if you have the means, learn about these people as individuals, and bring your children up to know them and to work with them. It breaks my heart every time a child stares at these amazing people with such a lack of understanding,  with fear, and the whispers to their parents “Why do they look so funny? Why do they talk so funny?”
Understanding people with mental disabilities also teaches you a lot more about people and yourself in general. Every second of my job is something different, and worth it all.
Nothing I have told you/can tell you will really show you how special this job is. If you have any questions, please ask away, I would love to answer them! Time invested in their lives, is time well spent. You will not regret it.

 

Run world, run (With joy!)

“Rejoice in The Lord always, I will say it again; Rejoice!” -Philippians 4:4

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

These 2 passages are ones that I have really latched onto the last several years of my life. Rejoice in the Lord always – Rejoice in Him because He is good, and His blessings are more abundant that we could ever ask for. I think we take for granted what He has blessed us with, and dwell to much on the crappy stuff as if by doing so God will take notice and fix it, like He has been sitting there like “Oh, thanks for pointing that earthly disaster that is going on, I would have never noticed it if you hadn’t pointed it out”
If we invested half the time we did dwelling on the good as we did the bad, we would half twice as much peace as we do now. God, thank you for being the peace in the storm, I rejoice in You always!

Hebrews 12:1-2 Reminds us why we keep going, and that finishing this race is possible! It also reminds us that we are surrounded by witnesses, and that we keep running to show them that the impossible means nothing to God, and that with Him, all things are possible.

I am usually one that is like “You know, it’s really okay to be sad and upset, and even healthy so you aren’t keeping all that crap hidden inside. Letting out our anger and frustrations is a good thing -In moderation, but we also need to take the time to say “You know what? God is pretty amazing, and He has this all under control. The world is in this terrible sticky place, and it is easy to complain and get caught up in all the hurt and pain, but honestly, it has gotten to the point where it is stealing our joy. We need joy. Joy in Christ is what keeps us alive. Take the time to reflect on how God has been working, because honestly, He has done so much, and deserves so much more credit than we give Him.

The Jokes on you

Hey, guys, it’s the two year anniversary of my blog! Yay! So I thought that since it was such a special day, and since I have been doing a lot of “deep posts” lately, that I would lighten up the mood with some jokes that I think are pretty funny -From blonde jokes, to pick up lines, to puns, here are some of my favorite jokes. I hope they at least make you smile!

“Friends are like fine wine, that’s why I keep mine locked in a cellar”

“I heard recently that the guy who invented the remote control for the television recently passed away, they found him at home in between the couch cushions”

“I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high, she seemed surprised”

“You smell like trash, can I take you out?”

“Are you from Tennessee? because you are the only ten I see”

“I now understand why Solomon had 700 wives, it’s because he never met you”

“If I got a quarter for every time I thought of you.  . . . .I would start thinking of you”

“What did the fish say when he ran into a beavers house? ‘Dam'”

“If I walk around you for seven days a blow trumpets, will you fall for me?”

“What’s the difference between a tub of glue, a piano, and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tune a fish! – What about the glue, you ask? I knew you would be stuck on that one!”

“Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words”

“What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad sandals”

“My friends bread factory burned to the ground last week . . . His business is toast. Hey, but I brought him flours, and at the very yeast, he will make more dough”

“My friend said that an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face”

“Is google male or female? Obviously female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before giving suggestions”

“Can the average man jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course, the Empire State Building can’t jump”

“I am going to prove to you that a spider without legs can’t hear. I told a spider to jump, and he jumped, then I pulled off one of his legs. I told him to jump again, and pulled off another leg. I did this until I had pulled off 8 legs, and then again I told him to jump, but this time he didn’t”

“Did you hear about the kidnapping? It’s okay, he woke up”

“If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is The Lamb. . . Then did Mary have a little lamb?”

“Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side”

“Why should you not trust atoms? They make up everything”

“What do you call a belt with a clock on it? A waist of time”

“The past, present, and future walked into a bar. . It was tense”

“What is the color of the wind? Blew”