Let me paint you a picture of words,
because honestly, drawing with crayons and painting was never my forte.
Imagine this: A blonde little girl, innocent, but really, really afraid. She doesn’t know what for, or why. She’s just always anxious inside.
She lives in a jar inside my throat – Quite frankly, one big mess. (That lump, never did seem to go away)
She doesn’t know how to handle change in life, she feels stupid, and she thinks she can’t.
She was known as Self-Doubt
She walks around her jar with her head low, because if she might look someone in the eye, perhaps they will die.
She is so insecure in that little glass jar -that little ash smudged jar. She feels the walls closing in. What if she makes the wrong move, and gets shattered between the glass?
This little girl in this glass jar is not allowed to leave, though sometimes she sneaks out in the dead of night, escaping through a little hole in the jar, and she goes about smashing and whispering these insecurities to my soul, and all I can do is freeze. It’s too hard.
Too much for my body to take. I’m going to break. Tears leak from my physical eyes, and all of a sudden, I’m filled with self-doubt.
At this point in the picture, my God given friend wakes from her jar in heart below.
In her jar, is a flower garden filled with the most pleasant fragrances any flower can give off. This girl, she wears a smile and takes a deep breath of all the beauty inside her jar.
She’s confident, she is full of pride. She stirs, and jumps up with a smile, and escapes from the little hole in her jar -She’s Self-Confidence.
She dances, she sings her song of joy as she makes her way throughout my being.
A little too cocky, she dances herself unknowingly towards the precipice that will lead to a pernicious end – Her overconfidence would be the death of my soul.
She twirls and slips over the cliff, catching the edge with her fingertips.
A surge of anxiety irrupts in my being.
There’s something wrong, and Self-Doubt can feel it.
Every moment causes my body to jolt in my bed.
There is no peace as I sleep.
Self-Doubt runs and hides, and swears she’ll never come out. Ever. She will do her job, and just stay inside her little ash filled jar.
Self-Confidence convinces herself she can do it. She can get herself out of this mess.
She tries again, and again to lift herself, but discovers, she wasn’t as strong as she once had thought and slips a little more.
“Help” she whispered, but no one could hear.
She was quickly losing her grip.
She cried out again, but this time, a bit louder; “Help me!”
“Little one, hiding in your jar, I know you can hear me. I know you’re scared. I know you are, but little one, I need your help. I can’t do it alone, you can help me. You are stronger than you think. Please, little one”
Silence still dimmed the air as Self-Confidence hung her head and sighed.
“So this is the end” she whispered as her last ounce of strength was used, and her grip released.
In slow motion she fell, but only for half a second before a small clammy hand grasped hers, and quickly pulled her to safety.
“You did it” Self-Confidence beamed out of breath.
“You almost died!” Self-Doubt cried as she jumped backward.
“But I didn’t, because of you.”
Together each grew in places they were weak.
Everyday conquering what they could not before, using each other to balance and to keep their heads, coming together they became known as one, Humility.